Autophobia by G.H.S.T. follows the story of Louis Beau and his journey towards self-acceptance and self-love. At home, Louis struggles with his strict dad and the high expectations he imposes on Louis. At school, Louis is dealing with the social aftermath of a failed relationship and growing apart from his former best friend. Internally, Louis is still mourning his mother while trying to live his live as perfectly as possible as to not upset his father and trigger his alcoholism again. His façade of perfectionism and self-denial slowly comes undone as he starts a secret relationship Daniel, a loud, excitable, social outcast with whom Louis learns to embrace the messiness of life by trusting and leaning on others.
How does Louis’s coming out exemplify the nuances and complexities of the process?
As many — if not all — queer people can attest, coming out is not a simple process. The obvious anxiety and fear of rejection aside, coming out is far from a one time done deal. First of all, while coming out is generally understood as specifically coming out to one’s family, it is quickly obvious that that is simply the first coming out. From that point on, every new social circle entails a new coming out. For some, it becomes a non-issue; for others, it can be just as anxiety inducing as the first time. For Louis, who at this point in the story hadn’t realized until recently that he’s not completely straight, it is a daunting process. He knows that he wants to be open about himself and his relationship with Daniel, but the fear of how his father might react still keeps him chained. He then decides to take smaller steps that allow him to comfortably explore and express his sexuality.
There are many notions when it comes to coming out, both from the queer and non-queer communities. For many in the queer community, coming out is a necessary and non-negotiable rite of passage to be fully accepted into the community, take part in its struggles, and share in the victories, rewards, and privileges. However, coming out may not be an option for some people, and one cannot exclude others for not sharing the same reality as one’s self or the safety nets that will ensure one’s livelihood after coming out. This is where Daniel and Louis differ in their realities. Daniel was outed in middle school after he was found kissing a boy and word of it spread like wildfire. Fortunately, he had his family’s support during this traumatic experience, and he is able to be himself among his loved ones. On the other hand, people see Louis as straight simply because he had a girlfriend once, and he considers himself responsible for his father’s sobriety. He may not be outed, but he deals with a lot of external pressures that keep him in the closet.
Credit: G.H.S.T.
A six-panel page.
First panel: A close-up of Louis as he speaks, blushing slightly, rolling his eyes to the side.
Louis: I mean… …Even with the boutonnieres, we don’t *exactly* match given that the colors are “technically inverted*… So… we’re still very subtle.
Second panel: Daniel and Louis are sitting outside on Daniel’s deck. Both of them are looking closely at each other, blushing.
Louis: …But… …I guess we do… …Look like a couple.
Third panel: Same as the panel above, but Louis is now laughing while Daniel stares at him wide-eyed. The sound effect “SNORRRT” covers most of the panel.
Fourth panel: A close-up of Daniel’s blushing face as he looks at Louis off-panel.
Fifth panel: A close-up of Louis, eyes closed, laughing through his teeth, face red.
Louis: It’s fine, really. I’m serious, I’m okay with this.
Sixth panel: A change of perspective of them sitting, now from behind Daniel. Louis is hugging himself as his laughter subsides.
Louis: … Holy crap. I’m really okay with this.
Credit: G.H.S.T.
A four-panel page.
First panel: Big fluffy clouds bathed in purple and pink light.
Louis: Yesterday, I was saying how I didn’t know what I’d come out as. …And that I’m not ready to tell my dad about us yet. But… well, the thing is…
Second panel: A close-up of Daniel and Louis looking at each other. Daniel is completely astonished while Louis looks surprised at himself, eyes looking down.
Louis: …I almost told him about us last night.
Daniel: What? You did?!
Third panel: Almost the same as the one before, but Daniel’s surprised face has softened. Louis is now looking at Daniel.
Louis: Is that okay…?
Daniel: Yeah! Like, as long as you feel safe to do that and that’s what you want and — what happened?! What did you say?!
Fourth panel: A closer perspective of their faces as they lean in closer to each other, both blushing. Louis is again avoiding Daniel’s gaze.
Louis: Uhm… …I really just… told him more about you.
The first threshold Louis had to cross was coming out to himself. Not only did he have to accept his romantic feelings for Daniel, but he also had to come to terms about the underlying homoerotic attraction he felt towards his former best friend John. After this, he starts playing with the idea of being out, which is seen with his and Daniel’s matching suits. They know it’s not as subtle as they think, but even then Louis is fine with people seeing them as a couple. He is slowly understanding that his own personal journey with coming out is just as valid as anyone else’s. He is aware that he doesn’t know what to identify as yet, and that it’s okay. He is also aware that he isn’t ready to come out to his father yet, but he made it clear that Daniel is an important person to him, which helps set up some groundwork for the future. Louis’s story of embracing imperfection and self-love serves as a reminder that few stories are as clean-cut as we want them to be. To achieve respectful representation in storytelling, nuance and diversity in realities are essential.