Autophobia by G.H.S.T. follows the story of Louis Beau and his journey towards self-acceptance and self-love. At home, Louis struggles with his strict dad and the high expectations he imposes on Louis. At school, Louis is dealing with the social aftermath of a failed relationship and growing apart from his former best friend. Internally, Louis is still mourning his mother while trying to live his live as perfectly as possible as to not upset his father and trigger his alcoholism again. His façade of perfectionism and self-denial slowly comes undone as he starts a secret relationship Daniel, a loud, excitable, social outcast with whom Louis learns to embrace the messiness of life by trusting and leaning on others.
Why is Louis’s zit significant in his journey towards self acceptance?
The main theme of Autophobia is made loud and clear from its title: the fear of being alone. For Louis, this comes down to the way his anxiety rules his thoughts whenever he is alone, which then results in bouts of self-loathing. His anxiety manifests when he worries about the way he comes across to others, particularly his father. In other words, he is afraid of what he does or says because, in his mind, it is always much worse than it really was. The way Louis perceives the world and his actions is inwardly focused, and the panels below depict that. He is commonly featured in extreme close-ups, focusing on his head and face to see his expressions. The text in these panels are all in thought bubbles, so reader is allowed a glimpse in into Louis’s stream of consciousness. He does he not only berate himself, but he also remembers his behavior with a harsh self-criticizing lens. The blurry way these flashbacks are depicted show that warped, subjective point of view that dominates his life.
Credit: G.H.S.T.
A five-panel page.
First panel: A close-up of Louis profiled face as he lies in bed.
Second panel: An indescribable panel featuring brown shapes against a pale tan backdrop.
Louis (thinking): I wish I didn’t… tell Daniel everything though.
Third panel: A close-up of Louis’s face, blushing and sweating in embarrassment. On both sides of him, there are cloudy bubbles depicting the events from the day before from Louis’s perspective.
Louis (thinking): Why did I tell him some of the things I did? I was completely unnecessary!!!!!! I’m so stupid!!!!!!
Left bubble: Louis flustered face as he yells with a caption reading *censored*
Right bubble: Louis blushing and looking sheepish, the captions read *physical* *physical* and “Daniel, guess what?! I got *physical* with my ex-girlfriend LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fourth panel: A close-up of Louis, miserable with grief.
Louis (thinking): …I hope I don’t do or say anything stupid tonight. Please don’t do or say anything stupid.
Fifth panel: I close-up of Louis’s hand as he plays with a band he got from Daniel.
Louis (thinking): I really… want to make it a good night. Not just for me. But for him.
One can easily argue that Louis’s strained relationship with his father is both the cause and the fuel of his anxiety. As the story progresses, it is clear that Louis is traumatized by his mom’s death. However, the memory of his dad’s alcoholism — the aftermath of his mom’s death — constantly restricts Louis’s life. He is caught between wanting to please his dad and perusing his own happiness because, for Louis, they are mutually exclusive. Louis truly believes that if he displeases his father, which he believes he will inevitably do, he will start drinking again. This is the underlying fear that dominates Louis’s life, and it is abstractly represented by squiggly lines against a black backdrop throughout the story. This is a recurring motif of the thoughts that Louis’s slowly learns to muffle, especially after meeting Daniel and allowing himself to be happy and not live for his father.
Credit: G.H.S.T.
A five-panel page.
First panel: Louis is walking down a simple hallway, headed towards a half-opened door.
Louis (thinking): …I hope this feeling will last. It’s gotta.
Second panel: A close-up of Louis’s profiled shoulders, neck, and lower face as he takes in a deep breath. The backdrop is black with pale squiggly lines across.
Louis (thinking): Even with nagging worries… I’ll push them away.
Third panel: Louis running his hand through his hair in front of the bathroom mirror.
Louis (thinking): At least for tonight… … Please don’t let anything go wrong.
Fourth panel: Louis lifts his hair to discover a bright red zit on his forehead.
Firth panel: Louis, turning red, is yelling at himself.
Louis: Is that a zit?!
Credit: G.H.S.T
A full-page illustration with two side panels.
Main illustration: Louis blushing slightly as Daniel opens the door. His hair is styled back, bright red zit on display. The background features the neighborhood’s rows of houses and a bright sunset against a pink and purple sky.
First side panel: A close-up of an astonished Daniel as he opens the door for Louis. His mother is behind him carrying a camera.
Second panel: A cartoonish Daniel is embarrassed by his mother who is leaning in close with the camera.
Up to this point in the story, Louis’s life was defined by what his father expected of him, and by what Louis expected of himself to keep his father’s alcoholism at bay. These high expectations inevitably led to a façade of perfectionism that came off as elitist and standoffish to Louis’s peers. The appearance of a zit the day of his highly anticipated prom, while a classic teenage trope, is obviously significant. He easily could have popped it or concealed it with his hair, but the decision to push his hair back for the wold to see his imperfection marks a change in his character. It is the start of Louis embracing his imperfections, that fact that he his not exempt or immune from the trials and tribulations of teenage life. He has faults, just like his father and peers, and while his anxiety can cripple him at times, he is allowed to have those imperfections. He is slowly learning that submitting to that fear can keep him from the people and experiences that truly make him happy.